Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I checked into jail on foursquare
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
