Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
