The best revenge is premature balding
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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