just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
