All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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