i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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