After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
