While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
