i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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