I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
