i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Are we still banned from the library?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
