I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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