is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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