he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
