I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
