Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
