The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
