Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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