So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
