I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
