k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
