but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
