who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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