Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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