i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
