i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
