You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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