What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
