my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
