I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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