it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
