I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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