I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
