also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
