I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
