So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
