thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
