Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
