yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
