Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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