No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
