is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
