Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
