Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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