9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
