you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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