she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
