The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
