the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
