I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
