i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
