I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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