how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
