he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
