you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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