i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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