So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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