I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
