btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
