He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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