And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
