Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
