They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
wow bdsm is so cute
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
