Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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