I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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