It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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